so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
