Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
