My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
