I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
