her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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