We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
