please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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