I puked a lego.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
