I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
