It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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