how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
