your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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