All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
