we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
