she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
