You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
