i think i have two assholes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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