it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize