I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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