If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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