non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
