3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
