Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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