It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
