ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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