drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
