..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
