we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
