Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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