I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
