she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize