I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
