Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize