I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
