dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
