sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You dont lie about slip and slides
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
