making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
