You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
