..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
