Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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