my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
