he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
