I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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