grandma shit on top of the toilet
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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