Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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