hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
