yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
