I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
