We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
