I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
