I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
