Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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