Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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