can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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