So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize