It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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