I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Vodka?
Forever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
