she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
