He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
