id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
