According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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