Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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