plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
