Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So here I am, sexting at work.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize