yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
