what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
