i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
