turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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