You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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