I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
