She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
