I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
