I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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