I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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