Soap is not a condiment
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
