In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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