I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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