she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
