Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
