FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
