hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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