Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
